Carson Gunnigle

Tears fall down the cheeks of Carson Gunnigle as she conveys the feeling of being “overjoyed” as she sat in grace for the first time.

Carson came to college much like any freshman. Hopeful but terrified. Away from family, from high school friends and from all those that know us, we all find ourselves surrounded by people wanting to know our name, our major and where we are from, but actually know very little about who we truly are. And as the days dragged into weeks Carson felt nothing but the crippling cage of loneliness, hurt and the unsettled emotion of being unknown and unseen.

The question of “Where is God in this?” filled the quiet moments in a third floor room in Boyd Hall. However, up until now, Carson struggled in the thoughts of how exactly do you know God? For she knew him as one may know the president, lots about him but only from afar. Her definition of knowing him was a list of do’s and don’ts, a rulebook of behavior to try not to make God mad, but in the trying and the striving and the performing she only felt more hurt, more isolated, and more abandoned.

God used Fall Conference 2016 as the pin that pierced the apparent suspicion that God just didn’t quite care. It was here that He whispered, “I want to know you as a daughter, I want you to know me as a kind and loving Father”. It was a switch from a slave mentality to a relationship with her Dad. The sadness she felt for so long became untrue and the pain that filled the silence for so long was gone.

No longer was Carson motivated by the fear of failure, the fear of disappointing but was rather free in knowing her true self in Christ. Things and people can barely hold a flame to the identity Jesus brings to Carson. There is no fear of punishment, for Jesus took it all. No fear of loneliness, for He is always near. Carson looks up with joyous eyes and says, “It’s so freeing to know you are loved regardless”.

Miranda Cook

A Changed Life :: By Paige Wiley

I was born into a family where there was confusion about what was truth. My dad was Catholic and my mom was Methodist and I just knew that there was a God. We never attended church as a family and never spoke about who Jesus was. We also didn’t pray before meals, or go to church on Christmas. I always had a lot of questions about who God was. I remember sneaking to the laundry room to read my children’s Bible because I just yearned to know more about my Creator. When I was in fourth grade, my mom and I started to go to a church because my parents wanted me to be raised with good morals. We didn’t stay at that church for long because we “wanted our weekends to relax.”

But two years later, we moved, and I longed to be involved in church because I wanted to be in a choir like I saw on TV. That never happened, but we decided to go to a Lutheran church and I was confirmed when I was in 8th grade. I learned a lot about the Bible and what fellowship looked like but I still didn’t know what it all meant for me or what it was going to look like to live a life with Christ. After I was confirmed, we never went back to church. We just went back to “enjoying our weekends.” Growing up I struggled a lot with my identity and loving who I was. I lived by good morals which led to me judging others, because I thought I was “better”. Because of that, I didn’t have a lot of friends in high school and that created even more of an identity struggle.

When I made the transition to K-State, I decided to live in Smurthwaite Scholarship/Leadership House. I roomed with a girl named Aspen. From the first day I met her she was a little different – more positive, more loving for people, more kind, etc. She would ask a lot of questions about my faith and encourage me to come to campus ministries with her. At that time I was really bitter with God and had a lot of friend issues – I just was not happy. Aspen continued to be a light in my life by showing me what it meant to live a true Christian life. She would journal while reading her Bible, worshiped the Lord, and shared the gospel. Because I was who I was, I would make fun of her and tell her to turn the music off and was just truly awful to her. But because she loved the Lord more than anything, she saw through my bitterness and continued to love me.

The next semester, I got a job at the Academic and Career Information Center. During that time I was fully surrounded by people that loved God with all of their heart and I knew I wanted to be a part of that. I was walking home one day and decided that I wanted to go to church that summer and learn more about Christ, all because I watched a strong Christian woman live her life. That summer I filled my time with the Lord and began journaling to know more about Christ. When I came back to school, I signed up for a Christian retreat that January and was very excited to start to learn more about Jesus.

During the time at the conference, my life changed. We learned about Jesus and I fell in love with him there. I remember singing in worship and feeling a flood of emotions come over me and at that moment, I was committed to my Savior.  I was all in, and I committed my life to Christ.

After committing my life to Christ, there were a lot of things that were different. I felt the urgency to serve and to love. I began volunteering with children and helping them and I served at church. I didn’t enjoy being around children before Christ, but after, I loved them because He loves them.

I still struggle with identity and loving myself.  But I have been able to grow my relationships and understand who I am as a daughter of Christ. I see my sisters and brothers in a more loving manner. Being able to love Christ and love people better has been a life changing experience and I am excited to see where it takes me.

Drew Ewing

Community for the Soul :: By Allie McBrien

Drew Ewing, currently a senior in Industrial Engineering, began his high school years walking with God, but unstable in his friendships. Before he knew it, Drew started getting into certain situations with his friends that conflicted with what he believed. During his junior year Drew put all his trust in God. As he started football season, he and his friends started to drift apart in different lifestyles. In spite of his loneliness, the Lord was near and understood what Drew needed.

Drew and the senior captain of the football team, Nate Stiles, became instant friends. As a solid believer, Nate had gone through similar situations with his friends. The two spent around five hours together every day, in practice and workouts, while discussing their faith and past experiences. Nate became a light to Drew, a person who understood, encouraged and led Drew closer to Christ.

Unexpectedly, as a result of an injury during the last football game of the season, Nate died from internal bleeding of the brain.

The night after Nate’s death, Drew made a choice to block out the world emotionally. He decided to put up a wall and not let anyone else in, fearful they too would die. Leaving relationships at surface-level, Drew continued his walk with God, but he was missing community. At first, things were fine. Many came to know Christ through Nate’s death and Drew was able to help be a light for others in the tumultuous time. However, by not letting others see who he truly was, many of Drew’s peers were not aware of the hurt in his own heart or any of his problems. As time went on, many of his classmates began to view Drew as perfect and verbalized this. A disconnect soon formed where peers stopped coming to Drew for help and began avoiding him because they felt embarrassed about their struggles.

Coming into K-State, Drew had a clean slate. He was excited to meet new people. The image and false perceptions held by his former classmates were instantly gone. He began to connect with others in Goodnow, but was still missing a strong community, one that was rooted in the Lord.

God provided for Drew. Through the encouragement of his roommate, Lars, Drew began going to Christian Challenge his sophomore year. Challenge was an environment where others wanted to know him deeply and intentionally, something Drew had purposely avoided for many years.  Soon enough, Drew realized a stable relationship with God is not as effective unless it is paired with genuine relationships with people; friendships that keep him accountable and honest in his faith.

Shortly after his death, Nate’s parents started a program called ‘The Nathan Project.’ Their ministry provides free Bibles to expand the Kingdom of God by building relationships and personally leading others through discipleship. Avoiding the stereotypical “street corner” Bible giveaway, Drew seeks out friendships with others and provides Bibles to those interested in pursuing a relationship with God.

After living with a difficult loss, Drew continues to thank God for Nate’s impact in his life. The deep and meaningful relationships Drew avoided after Nate’s death are now an essential aspect in his walk with Christ.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25

For more information about Nate’s life and donations for Bibles visit: http://www.nathanproject.com/

Paige Wiley

The One Who Provides :: By Paige Wiley

When I was a freshman, I thought something was wrong with me. I had always heard that college was the "best four years of your life," but what I was experiencing quite the opposite. I was overwhelmed, homesick, lost and lonely. I hated college. Making friends was hard. Figuring life out on my own was terrifying. I lost friends and relationships that I had been clinging on to, and I was essentially grieving the loss of my old, familiar life. So basically, I was really broken.

Thankfully, God did not leave me in that state of brokenness. I began to pray for community, and let me tell you - God provided. It started when I attended Christian Challenge for the first time. I saw that Fall Conference was just around the corner, so by some will of God, I signed up. I didn't know anyone, I didn't know how I was getting there, but I trusted God to provide for me. I ended up having a fantastic time. I actually met my future roommate and future mentor during that weekend, among many other new friends. Later that year, I joined a LIFE group. And although I was hesitant at first, God provided me with very specific answers to prayers: joy, acceptance, love, and community. I was finally feeling like I was a part of something.

But more importantly, God changed my outlook on Jesus. Christianity is not about guilt or worry or doing everything exactly right (quite the opposite, actually). It's about GOOD NEWS! It's about grace, love, and a relationship with Christ - and it's an invitation to all. That was my missing puzzle piece. If I had kept to my safe, comfortable, high-school self, I would never have grown or meet these new truths. God was loving enough to give me a season of difficulty so that I may come closer to the throne.

My life is by no means perfect now. I still get stressed out, I still feel lonely, and I still even have my doubts. But if there's one thing I do know, it's that God is good. And by God's grace, we are good enough to be called children of God. Glory be to our good, good Father!

Cassidy LaMair

Being a prisoner sometimes means not fully knowing what is holding us captive. We drag our experiences, our lies, our beliefs behind us believing this weight is normal and almost comfortable. If I have figured out how to survive in this cage I call life, then why should I believe there is anything else? Why should I hope there is more?

God has a way of setting us free from chains. Of taking us from a place of survival to true life, uninhibited by the prison we once lived. Cassidy LaMair, a California native, knew her chains all too well. They usually took the form of her emotionally and verbally abusive father that left her trying to survive the next moment.

When Cassidy came to college at K-State change became a welcomed friend. Finding herself on a dorm floor surrounded by once strangers and now dear sisters, Cassidy began to explore the person of Jesus. It was an open and honest opportunity to ask questions and dream about what God could do in her own life.

On a cold night in her dorm room, cuddled up in a blanket going over a verse, Cassidy met the Lord in fullness. She was overcome with the most intense and pure feeling of love. In her gut she felt this deep reaffirming voice saying, "I love you" over and over again. It was in this moment Cassidy realized she had been caged in by anger that ate her from the inside out and chained to a deep fear of the world that kept her from truly living.

In surrender and experiencing beautiful and redemptive grace, Cassidy is no longer the same girl. She is free. Free to love, free to live, free to experience the fullness God has for her. Cassidy is no longer a prisoner but a beautiful, new creation in Christ.

Mitchell Baumgartner

If I had to say what my life was like before Jesus, I would say that I was in need of something.  I am blessed to have an amazing family, good role models and a community that cares, but something was wrong.  I had everything except what I was truly searching for.  So, naturally, I started looking for what the world says would fulfill this emptiness in my life.  

I attempted to fit into the cool crowd, tried to succeed in sports, make my name known in school, all which was unfulfilling. I was still empty and in the wake of the failure of these behaviors I shifted my focus again to selfish actions. This is when I started my long stretch of being addicted to pornography.  I went through this in stages, I first found out about it while I was hanging out with my “friends” in 6th grade…6th grade!  All through my high school years, I struggled with addiction and fear that if anyone found out, I would lose my status as the good boy. Sin had such a strong hold on me, and I tried everything I knew how to change, but in my own strength I could do nothing.

I came to know Jesus on a Sunday night my first freshman semester of college.  After weeks of listening to messages about purity, repentance, and this amazing life in Jesus, I broke down and realized I had been searching for success, love, fame, power, and wealth my whole life and continually came up empty. Even in the midst of all my sinning, Jesus died for me.  My decisions to choose myself constantly nailed him to the cross and he willingly let me. I stayed up that night until 1 o’clock writing out and confessing my sin, fully knowing that I didn’t have to carry it anymore. It wasn’t mine and Jesus had made me clean. I knew that I was going to be changed, and that it was time to seek help. Finally, I knew where to look for it.

After deciding to follow Jesus my heart has found satisfaction far more than anything the word could bring.  I realized however, that this was not a one time commitment, I had to be ALL IN!  I have made a choice that I will daily choose Jesus and he will be the center of my life. I have started breaking free from the chains of pornography, and have found community that I know I will walk with my whole life. In my searching I chose myself, but now I am found and belong more than I ever thought possible.

Dominique Slack

Dominique’s eyes radiate joy. Her gentle and quiet spirit draw people to a place of comfortability. However, the eyes that sit in the confidence of purpose and the steadiness of belonging have not always lit up Dominique’s face.

As a 10 year old girl in the confusion of moving a lot and her mother getting a divorce, life had a consistent way of simply getting in the way. High school was just another example of life not going as planned and when her family moved to Colorado she found herself lonely. Being shy and not fitting in resulted in Dominique feeling like she had to be someone else to have friends to hang around with. These friends were not who she wanted to be and in these moment she began to wonder if there was anything else to this life.

College was the same song, second verse. First semester was plagued with loneliness and aching to be back with her mom and sister. The point of walking each day was beginning to become hazier and hazier. Questions filled Dominique’s mind as she wondered why she was even here. Was there any purpose to this life? Why try? And so when she went home for Christmas break, the logical thing to do was quit and not come back to K-State.

Nevertheless, Dominique found her way back for a second semester. It was this semester that Emma and Gabby, friends in her dorm, began to invite her to Challenge. Her whole attitude shifted. No longer was she fighting the truth that she was hearing but she even wanted to understand who God was. As the curiosity grew, Dominique and Gabby started reading John together.

Amazement with the person of Jesus began to invade Dominique. His sacrifice and love was enough to answer the questions she had been asking her whole life. But her thinker mind and intellectual skepticism kept her at arms length.

It wasn’t until he spoke gently to her that he was her purpose that she started to shed the hesitancies of giving him everything.  His reasons for her existence was far greater than any lie she could conjure up to believe.

He has begun to rewrite her story. Breathing purpose and truth into every day. The emptiness and loneliness of life melts away as he makes Dominique whole. The stretching of community and being vulnerable with those around her are a whole new experience walking with friends. Even though the days are still tough and there is still heartbreak in her family, he is the reason to choose joy today. He is the purpose in living. He is worthy to rest in because he is in control.

God is my purpose. He makes me whole, I am here because of him. Problems in my family. Before I would have given up and I would have gone back home. But now I know he has me here for a reason and I will stay because I know he has a plan and it's going to work out because he is in control.